#32 - Watering the Burnt Field

When I began writing on Beehiiv in 2023, I made a couple promises at the end of my first entry.

“This newsletter is not my diary, and my subscribers are not my therapists.”

“This newsletter is not just about me, and I will search for ways to connect with others as much as I can.”

“This newsletter is just the start.”

I haven’t updated in a bit.

Mostly because I could not write without breaking these promises.

Recent Gigs

Since my last update, I have provided additional voices for the following projects:

• May I Ask For One Final Thing?, Episode 6

• The Dark History of the Reincarnated Villainess, Episodes 2, 7 & 8

• Kakuriyo: Bed & Breakfast for Spirits, Episodes 205, 207 & 208

• One Piece, Episode 1135

• Let This Grieving Soul Retire, Episode 16

Cyrano de Bergerac

This Fall I had the honor of joining Dallas’ resident scrappy classics company Shakespeare Everywhere in their production of Cyrano de Bergerac - I played the cutpurse who attempts to rob Christian in Act I, and one of Ragueneau’s poet friends.

I could be flowery about this, but honestly all I want to say is that this was a blast. An INCREDIBLY ambitious play to put up in such a short time, and it feels like we really nailed it. My thanks and gratitude to our director Michael Johnson, our ADs Rowan and Cheyenne, and the rest of this incredible company of actors.

Consume!

So for the first season and a half, I found “March Comes in Like a Lion” enjoyable, at times poignant, but overall a bit beige. Stories centered around sports, even niche ones like Shogi, tend to leave me cold - this particular anime focuses enough on the strained relationships in the main character’s life and his growing sense of self to carry me through, and it nicely dodges some of the more persistent cliches of the genre.

By midway through season two, I was glued to the screen, at times actively sobbing, under attack by some of the most artful visual storytelling I’ve seen in years.

You’re not going to see any examples of Sakuga in this show - at its core it’s about normal country folks trying their hardest to achieve mastery in a very narrow professional field. But the three-episode arc “Burnt Field” made me tremble with a single image: aged Class A pro Saku Yanagihara draped in long, heavy strips of cloth, charred at the edges from heat roiling off his body, symbolising how he is both burdened and fueled by the wishes of contemporaries who retired years ago and live vicariously through his success.

If you’ve ever had a dream, if you’ve ever found yourself up against a wall upon realizing the harsh realities of living it, this one is worth opening the vault for.

Performance of the Week

At the risk of seeming disingenuous, I can’t think of a stand-out performance right now — because I’m surrounded by so many talented people.

Real talk, do you know how creative you are? Do you know how hard it is to make anything right now? In a society that is jamming tools down our throats designed to lower our standards and erode our credibility, you remain committed to crafting something new. You are powerful, and you are capable, and you are dedicated to bettering yourself and those around you.

Some of you subscribed to me are not professional artists. I don’t give a crap. You are just as creative as they are, and you HAVE made something this year, no matter how much you hand-wave away the idea. If you tended a garden, or made food for your family, or doodled a sketch, or talked about why something strikes you as beautiful, and you did that without being told to? You made art. And it is something only you could have made. Congratulations.

I want you to really think about this year, and the things you made, and how they made people feel. And I want you to hold those thoughts close to you, and place purpose behind them, because I truly believe doing so is the most human thing a person can do.

Here There Be Monsters

In a post I wrote over a year ago, I compared being a working artist to being a shipfaring merchant. I used a lot of overwrought metaphors to outline just how much effort and skilled labor went into successfully plotting your course and navigating a career.

These past few months, it feels like I’m recovering from a terrain-altering storm.

Or like someone stole my ship. And in its place they put a different ship, that looks the same but is missing a lot of my stuff, like the maps I made, or the cool little shelf I built to hold my smaller treasures. And it’s drafty.

Or like, bear with me, my ship is fine, but now all of a sudden everyone I used to deliver cargo to thinks I look ridiculous sailing it. They imitate the faces I make when I’m at the helm, and they tell me I’m not holding the wheel correctly, and they compare me unfavorably to a poster of Captain Morgan on their wall and don’t listen when I go “dude, that guy’s imaginary, I literally can’t be that guy.” And all the other sailors are having the same problem, so they aren’t being too sympathetic.

And I’m getting out my abacus and trying to make the figures work out, but the fact of the matter is that people are chartering fewer voyages, or they’re trying to lead them themselves and crashing their boats on the rocks, and I KNOW operating from a scarcity mindset isn’t a good way to get into the friggin water, but is it really operating from a scarcity mindset if the reality is that things are just scarce?

I’ve been here before. Even seriously considered selling the damn ship, for all the good it’s done me.

But it’s not long before I catch myself looking toward the water.

I’m a seagull.

No. That’s not it.

I’m

Hollis Beck is a performer and writer who crafts narratives about queer identity, found families, and people who try very hard. More information can be found on her website.